I love my mother. Unconditionally. She amused me with her
inspirational talk. "Sandy, I have been wanting to tell you this for a
long time now--you need to give up on your dreams. You are 50-years-old now.
Start saving for retirement. Stop throwing good money after bad money. Live
your life... try to have some fun before you die. It's not meant to be."
Everyone wants me to put my life-size sculptures in storage.
Clear up some space in the house.
I don't understand how she could suggest giving up on my
dreams, when all of my favorite shows (Empire, Scandal, Atlanta Housewives,
garbage television in general) is off season. I am half joking.
It's so much easier when you are seeking a goal or a dream
that has already been mapped out for you by society. If you want a college
degree, you can gauge your success by how many more classes you need to take.
It's easier for you and your loved ones. It makes sense. Everyone can see the
finish line.
I feel like, I have spent too much time trying to perfect
Who I am. I feel like... deep in my heart... I have felt unworthy of
"more" and have given up on myself. In essence-- my mother is
reflecting my in-articulated thoughts back to me. This is why I am always looking
for a new self-help book, seminar, program, CD--begging and pleading with them
to make me worthy. Make me whole. Make me perfect. Make me loveable. I need the
right chant, prayer, gemstone, meditation, yoga pose, candle... to make me
worthy of the deepest desires of my heart.
If I had spent a fraction of this time and money on
marketing, writing, sewing, making videos and most of all having FUN--Lord
knows where I would be now.
I am so happy that my mother told me to give up on my
dreams. I really am. She revealed me to myself. No mother wants to see her
child suffer.
So here it is. I have decided that the next 50-years of my life belong to me. I gave the last fifty years to society. I gave them my best body, my best boobs, my sanity, and practically free labor. From now on I am UN-apologetically Cassandra. I am doing what I want to do. The way I want to do it. Period. This means that I may be calling in to work because I was up way too late writing, sewing, or re-reading the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. Yes, I love that book!
This is my new gauge for success: If no one else in the
world likes it but me; It's perfectly fine... because at least I didn't let
myself down. And as long as I don't let myself down and follow through on the
things that I can control--life is good. The money that I would spend on
cleansing my soul and perfecting my personality, I plan to spend traveling the
world.
I have completed the first two episodes of my Jungle Beauty
Goddesses book series. If you see a typo--get over it. I promise you it won't
be the last one you will ever see.--and I promise you--you will survive it.
Jungle Beauty Goddesses Pretty Blue Ball Ep 1 Should I Save
My Son Jesus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtTumk4-nZo
Jungle Beauty Goddesses Ep 2 Who Would Hurt Jesus Cassandra
George Sturges
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCxwKwH---0
