How to Start Over

Jungle Beauty Goddess Chalbi, Guardian of Death, Decadence, & Wrath 

Via the Imagination of Cassandra George Sturges

For Entertainment Purposes Only

Dear Jungle Beauty Goddess Chalbi,

He looked at me first. But my sister’s beauty is not her fault. When we were little girls everyone favored her. People would stop my parents everywhere to tell them that my sister was the most gorgeous little girl they had ever seen. Her beauty was so overpowering that it rendered me invisible.  But this is not why I am writing you.

I am five-months-pregnant with my sister’s husband baby. Tomorrow he plans to ask my sister for a divorce; and we have decided that it would be best to sever ties completely with both sides of the family… this includes his three children by my sister ages 7, 5, and 13 months. We love each other deeply. Don’t judge me; my sister will remarry before the ink dries on her divorce papers.

I did everything humanly possible to give him up; like everything else that I had yielded over to my sister without a whimper. I had made peace with my subpar position in life. I avoided seeing them together as much as possible. I came to the conclusion that he would never like a plump girl like me in comparison to my sister’s model thin, perfectly sculpted body. She had three babies and immediately fit back into her size 2 jeans. She gave up her modeling career and broke off her engagement to a millionaire to marry him.

My sister begged me to baby-sit for her while she attended a one week rejuvenation spa retreat without her husband or children. She sounded unusually sad, so I acquiesced.  I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews and at night after reading to them and tucking them into bed; I would sit on the back porch and watch the moon dance over the beach waves. One night I fell asleep and was awakened by soft, warm, breathy kisses that smelled like a mixture of cherry cigars and cognac. I thought I was dreaming because I had never dated anyone and I was still a virgin at the time.

I decided to immerse myself into the bliss of my dream. The roaring waves, crickets, and seagulls played in the background; while the dim, glistening light from the moon blurred my vision of fantasy and reality.  Something warm, soft, and spongy circled my lips before entering my mouth, tangling with my tongue, gliding past my clavicles, circling my areolas, suckling my nipples, slithering down my stomach, and wooing my lady-hood to belong to him only. As you can clearly see it is not my fault. He came on to me, and as I said before I saw him first. 

Without further ado, my question to you, Jungle Beauty Goddess Chalbi, is what advice can you give me on how to completely start my life over? We are both going to change our names and move to a new continent.  I am really sad because I am going to miss my mum and dad and my two older brothers… and maybe a few other relatives. It is just going to be the three of us once the baby is born. What should we tell our child happened to their grandparents and uncles?

Please advise.

Sincerely,

Excited and Afraid

Dear Excited and Afraid,

I find your brutal honesty refreshing and more entertaining than the other sad sob stories and questions I receive. We have so much in common.  Like you, I hate humans too.  I find them to be whiny, with no sense of accountability.  When they do something wrong they blame Satan instead of themselves, they enslave, rape, and kill each other-- when of course they are all going to die anyway. And just to think my sisters and I got rid of dinosaurs in order to create humans. It makes me sick to think about it.  

Oh, and there is one other thing we have in common;  I know exactly what it feels  like to be the ugly sister in the family. But it doesn’t bother me because I am also the only gay sister.

So let me be the first to congratulate you. Kudos to you, the pretty bitch got what she deserved. No one can blame you. You tolerated her as long as you could as a child. And like you said, you did see him first.   

But aside from that, tell your kid that you were raised in an orphanage.

Good luck starting over and have a safe trip!

Sincerely,

Jungle Beauty Goddess Chalbi

“The Jungle Beauty Goddesses offer words of encouragement, Inspirational and motivational life stories, quotes, videos, images and pictures.  Most inspiring daily motivation short stories, quotes, and sayings.”