How to Balance Love Freedom and Bondage

Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai

Ruler of Spontaneity, Living in the Moment, and Freedom

Via the Imagination of Cassandra George Sturges

For entertainment Purposes Only

Dear Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai,

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. I have never been happier in my life. All of her friends have recently gotten married and now she is pressuring me to propose to her. I am afraid that if we get married our life will become routine and boring like my parent’s marriage. All of my guy friends at work make jokes about how they only have sex with their wives on birthdays and their anniversaries. Some of my friends are cheating on their wives just to give them the strength to stay committed to them.

Marriage seems like an antiquated system designed to hold two people in bondage who would otherwise break free.

My question to you is; how can I get my girlfriend to believe in her heart that I love her deeply and that I am committed to our relationship-- but I do not want to get married. Is this a deal breaker?  I don't want to lose her.

Sincerely,

Committed in Love

 

Dear Committed in Love,

Marriage is rarely about two people in love. Marriage is an economic, political, and legal institution designed to combine and multiply human resources. Marriage comes with its own set of rules dictated by society’s religions and other socially constructed moral paradigms.  For example, if a couple chooses to see other people while they are married, humans refer to this as an “open marriage.” Why isn’t it still simply a marriage? Because humans have defined what marriage should mean to every couple of a certain level of civilization; otherwise it is labeled in some way as a deviant model of marriage. For example, if you live in a tribe it is okay to have several mates; but if you live in a technologically advanced society it is taboo to have more than one mate.

So to answer your question; “Is marriage an emotional trap?” Yes. Society has already written a guide book on how to have a happy marriage. They have clearly explained to you how you should feel and act with other people when you are married. The people who are happiest in marriages are people who are consciously aware of the rules of marriage and want to play the game by the book.  They are not renegades who want to go in and show people how to be happy by breaking the rules of matrimony. If you notice most of these marriages fail.

The conflict in your relationship lies in how humans view single women verses single men. If you are a single man, you are revered, celebrated, and envied by other people. Women want to catch you, so they through themselves at you. Men admire your freedom to come and go as you please. On the other hand, if you are a single woman, other humans pity you because they think that you are not beautiful enough , smart enough, or savvy enough to transition from being a girlfriend to a wife.  The woman is looked upon as giving her body away for free to a man who does not deserve her.

If you want to continue to be happy with your current girlfriend you need to re-negotiate the relationship. Make a list of all of the things that you love about being with her in your current relationship and whether or not these characteristics can be maintained as a married couple. If the answer is no—come up with a way the two of you could make it work otherwise.  Ask her to write a list of the things that she loves about you and your current relationship and whether marriage will be a detriment or benefit as well. Take her on a beautiful romantic getaway for a few days. After making love, find a quiet spot near the water and you both take turns sharing your list.

Can you promise each other that you will maintain the spontaneity of freedom to make love at whim while it’s raining, under the trees on a nature hike with the same enthusiasm as caring for each other's daily needs as having spaghetti for dinner every Wednesday?  If you choose not to marry her, love her enough to let her go. The both of you deserve to experience the type of freedom and bondage that makes you feel excited and safe at the same time.