One
of the toughest lessons that I have learned is that everything in my life has
happened for a good reason that supports my higher good and soul’s purpose.
This was a difficult concept for me to understand because I felt that if I did
“A”- “B” is supposed to happen.
I
had decided that when things did not work out the way that I wanted them to,
“God had let me down.” I didn’t see God working in my life because He wasn’t
wearing the hat that I expected. She wasn’t wearing the clothes that I had
pictured in my mind’s eye. The Universe did not come at the time that I felt It
should arrive. Overcoming adversity has not been easy for me because my own
expectations of how things should be blinded
me to the true beauty of how the Creator weaves magic into my life. I realized
that my faith in God was conditional, just as I imagined Her love for me. If I
was “good” I would be rewarded. If God was Who I imagined than He would reward
me.
I now understand that faith in God is not the outcome being what I want it to
be, when I want it to be. Faith is not conditional. Faith is believing in a
divine wisdom that is guiding you to your highest and best self even when it is
painful. I wanted to commit suicide because my rent was four months behind. I
didn’t thank God at the time for blessing me with such wonderful people who
understood my financial situation who believed in me and did not evict me from
my home. I only focused on what I didn’t have. When my phone was turned off, I
was humiliated but this was a tremendous blessing in disguise because I needed
quiet time after I paid my bills to recollect my thoughts.
After
paying the phone bill, I kept the phone off an additional three weeks while I
paid people back money I owed them and licked my wounds. When my phone was
initially turned off, on my birthday, I cursed God for being abusive with a
sick sense of humor. Now I understand that God was protecting me and giving me
time to nurture myself.
" I
didn’t see God in my life because She wasn’t wearing what I thought She should
be wearing. He didn’t come at the time that I thought that He should come. The
Creator looked nothing like I expected. My own vision of God clouded the
essence of the miracles of beauty and love that permeated my life."
If you are trying to change jobs and every where you turn the doors are locked,
stop and listen. Maybe there is something else you need to focus on right now
in your life. Trust divine wisdom. Trust the moment. Focus on the good in your
life and be grateful for everything that you have.
If you have experienced or you are currently experiencing
some difficult or hard times, take a deep breath and relax. I want you to know
that whatever you are going through right this moment is designed to help you
develop into your full potential and be your highest and best self. In order
for you to grow, you must be willing to learn the lessons that are being
presented to you, no matter how painful it feels.
Look within yourself for the answer. Sometimes educated
professionals and religious leaders do not always have the answers to the
lessons in life that we ourselves need to learn. This is simply a suggestive
study guide on how to find the gifts of the adversity in your life.
1.
Adversity Allows You to Know When It’s Time to Move On
I was fired from a
job where I felt that I was not growing professionally and no longer enjoyed working
in that field. I fanatically prayed each night for a change in my career. I
wanted a job that I could look forward to going to that utilized my creative
gifts and talents, but as a supervisor I could not use these skills. I
was also very dedicated to the success of my staff. I typically worked 10-12
hour days and when I would come home from work in the evenings, I was always
too tired to write or look for other work.
Although, shocked - I was relieved that I had been fired.
While there, none of my staff ever resigned under my supervision in a high
turn-over, over-worked and underpaid-industry or submitted a late report. I
knew I did an excellent job. I don’t think I would have had the courage to
leave my staff behind whom I loved dearly. I was too dedicated to doing a good
job to focus on the true desires of my heart. It was time for me to move on and
being discharged, freed me to move my life in another direction. Most
importantly, I didn’t have to quit and feel that I had let my staff down.
2.
Adversity Reveal to You Who Your Allies Are
Without
enemies you wouldn’t have a gauge to measure who your friends are. During some
of the most difficult moments in your life, look around and see who remained by
your side. Have you ever assumed that someone was in your corner, but when
adversity struck or you really needed them; they were nowhere to be
found? Don’t be angry or bitter; be grateful for the wisdom to recognize
true friends.
3.
Adversity Allows You to Learn What to do Next Time
My
copier jammed one night while I was printing brochures for an upcoming project.
I looked everywhere for the trouble-shooting manual. I called the company’s
servicing center; I practically took the copier apart all to no avail. Three
days later, my friend and her husband came by and I told them about the problem
that I was having with my copier. Her husband, who is mechanically gifted,
offered to take a look at my copier.
He looked in the back of the copier,
opened the trap door with one twist and pulled out the crinkled piece of paper
jammed between the rollers in a cinch. “There, you’re all set,” he said.
I was in tears of joy. Six months later while editing an important article that
was due the next day. My copier jammed again; yet this time I knew exactly how
to correct the problem. I was so grateful that my copier had jammed earlier
when I was not under a deadline. When the same problem presented itself again,
and time was essential, I was totally prepared.
4.
Adversity can Change Your Perception about Life
During one of my self-awareness workshops, one woman shared
that after 30-years of marriage; her husband revealed to her that he was a
transsexual. Six months later, her son informed her that he was gay. She stated
that initially she was devastated and shocked because she had always hated and
looked down upon people who were culturally, racially and sexually different.
She marveled that this experience has made her a compassionate, open-minded
therapist and that nothing rattles her when counseling others. She believes
that this experience changed her perception of others and has made her more
effective in her job.
5.
Adversity Shows You Who You are and What You truly believe in
A
woman admitted that she was madly in love with a married man, even though she
felt that it was unethical to be with him. One evening while dining, she
noticed the un-tanned band of flesh where his wedding ring belonged and became
physically ill. She realized that she was violating what she truly believed in
by being involved with a married man. She stated that she imagined what
it would feel like if she was the wife at home waiting for her husband while he
dined with another woman.
This experience enforced and strengthens her belief
in fidelity because she realized that when she marries someday, she wants her
husband to be faithful. She said that she also learned that it’s hypocritical
to want something from someone else that you aren’t willing give. She stated,
“If for some reason my husband has a lapse in judgment, I hope the woman who he
is interested in has enough character to say no and send him back home to me. I
realize that as human beings, we have a responsibility to each other.
6.
Adversity develops your talents and gifts.
I wrote a passionate letter to a newspaper begging them to
hire me as a reporter. During the interview, they told me that I would be given
writing assignments and that I could start working the next day. I was elated.
My first day on the job, they informed me that my official title would be copy
editor and that I would be editing the copy of the reporters. I had quit my
previous job and took a pay-cut to follow my dreams. Each time a reporter would
place an article in my basket, I would die on the inside.
Once a week, I would
plead my case to the publisher, “Sir, this is not me. I am a writer.” He would
respond, “We don’t need another writer. There is no money in writing. Anybody
can write a story, you should want to do more with your life.” After, months of
editing copy, I transferred to the marketing department to sell ads. I was very
good at selling ads, but my soul ached every moment of every day. Because of
this experience two years later, I started my own magazine Triumph from
scratch.
I
knew how to market the magazine and sell ads. I even convinced noted attorney,
Geoffrey Fieger and anchorman Frank Turner to grace my covers. I had the
opportunity to attend events with local celebrities and obtain groundbreaking
interviews. I learned that I had the ability to sell, schmooze and develop a project
from scratch. If you are doing something that you don’t like look closely at
the new skills that you are learning. You may be learning something as simple
as developing confidence in yourself or how to work with a variety of
personality types.
7.
Adversity Shows you the Good that you Already have in your Life.
Sometimes we take things for granted because we are
accustomed to them being in our lives. We overlook so many wonderful small
miracles that occur each day without thinking about them. During a winter storm
my family was without electricity for three days. Prior to this, I had never
appreciated my alarm clock that plays my favorite CD in the morning, the cold
food in the refrigerator or the sound of cartoons on Saturday mornings. I began
to think about families without running water and food at their disposal. This
experience showed me all of the good things that occur in my life on a daily
basis that I overlooked because I had a feeling of entitlement. Now, I spend
more time focusing on what I have as opposed to what I think I am missing.
8.
Adversity allows you to develop wisdom and learn to trust your instincts.
Have you ever felt that you shouldn’t do or say something,
but you did it anyway? Have you ever ignored the twitching in your stomach or
the quiet voice of reason that implored you to make another decision? Pay
attention to all the times in your life that you did not follow your gut
instincts to your detriment. Note the feelings, the dreams, the warnings
and symbolism that took place. Learning to trust your instincts is
the greatest and most important tool needed to make good decisions. Mistakes
are just directions on what not to do the next time, if you pay attention and
take good notes.
Remember…
Success and Beauty is an Attitude!
By Cassandra
George Sturges, Psy. D MA, MA.
