Saturday, February 10, 2018

How to Handle Adversity



One of the toughest lessons that I have learned is that everything in my life has happened for a good reason that supports my higher good and soul’s purpose. This was a difficult concept for me to understand because I felt that if I did “A”- “B” is supposed to happen.

I had decided that when things did not work out the way that I wanted them to, “God had let me down.” I didn’t see God working in my life because He wasn’t wearing the hat that I expected. She wasn’t wearing the clothes that I had pictured in my mind’s eye. The Universe did not come at the time that I felt It should arrive. Overcoming adversity has not been easy for me because my own expectations  of how things should be blinded me to the true beauty of how the Creator weaves magic into my life. I realized that my faith in God was conditional, just as I imagined Her love for me. If I was “good” I would be rewarded. If God was Who I imagined than He would reward me.


            I now understand that faith in God is not the outcome being what I want it to be, when I want it to be. Faith is not conditional. Faith is believing in a divine wisdom that is guiding you to your highest and best self even when it is painful. I wanted to commit suicide because my rent was four months behind. I didn’t thank God at the time for blessing me with such wonderful people who understood my financial situation who believed in me and did not evict me from my home. I only focused on what I didn’t have. When my phone was turned off, I was humiliated but this was a tremendous blessing in disguise because I needed quiet time after I paid my bills to recollect my thoughts.


 After paying the phone bill, I kept the phone off an additional three weeks while I paid people back money I owed them and licked my wounds. When my phone was initially turned off, on my birthday, I cursed God for being abusive with a sick sense of humor. Now I understand that God was protecting me and giving me time to nurture myself.


           " I didn’t see God in my life because She wasn’t wearing what I thought She should be wearing. He didn’t come at the time that I thought that He should come. The Creator looked nothing like I expected. My own vision of God clouded the essence of the miracles of beauty and love that permeated my life."


            If you are trying to change jobs and every where you turn the doors are locked, stop and listen. Maybe there is something else you need to focus on right now in your life. Trust divine wisdom. Trust the moment. Focus on the good in your life and be grateful for everything that you have.


If you have experienced or you are currently experiencing some difficult or hard times, take a deep breath and relax. I want you to know that whatever you are going through right this moment is designed to help you develop into your full potential and be your highest and best self. In order for you to grow, you must be willing to learn the lessons that are being presented to you, no matter how painful it feels. 


Look within yourself for the answer. Sometimes educated professionals and religious leaders do not always have the answers to the lessons in life that we ourselves need to learn. This is simply a suggestive study guide on how to find the gifts of the adversity in your life.


1.      Adversity Allows You to Know When It’s Time to Move On

 I was fired from a job where I felt that I was not growing professionally and no longer enjoyed working in that field. I fanatically prayed each night for a change in my career. I wanted a job that I could look forward to going to that utilized my creative gifts and talents, but as a supervisor I could not use these skills.  I was also very dedicated to the success of my staff. I typically worked 10-12 hour days and when I would come home from work in the evenings, I was always too tired to write or look for other work. 


Although, shocked - I was relieved that I had been fired. While there, none of my staff ever resigned under my supervision in a high turn-over, over-worked and underpaid-industry or submitted a late report. I knew I did an excellent job. I don’t think I would have had the courage to leave my staff behind whom I loved dearly. I was too dedicated to doing a good job to focus on the true desires of my heart. It was time for me to move on and being discharged, freed me to move my life in another direction. Most importantly, I didn’t have to quit and feel that I had let my staff down.

2.      Adversity Reveal to You Who Your Allies Are

Without enemies you wouldn’t have a gauge to measure who your friends are. During some of the most difficult moments in your life, look around and see who remained by your side. Have you ever assumed that someone was in your corner, but when adversity struck or you really needed them; they were nowhere to be found?  Don’t be angry or bitter; be grateful for the wisdom to recognize true friends.


3.      Adversity Allows You to Learn What to do Next Time

My copier jammed one night while I was printing brochures for an upcoming project. I looked everywhere for the trouble-shooting manual. I called the company’s servicing center; I practically took the copier apart all to no avail. Three days later, my friend and her husband came by and I told them about the problem that I was having with my copier. Her husband, who is mechanically gifted, offered to take a look at my copier. 

He looked in the back of the copier, opened the trap door with one twist and pulled out the crinkled piece of paper jammed between the rollers in a cinch. “There, you’re all set,” he said.  I was in tears of joy. Six months later while editing an important article that was due the next day. My copier jammed again; yet this time I knew exactly how to correct the problem. I was so grateful that my copier had jammed earlier when I was not under a deadline. When the same problem presented itself again, and time was essential, I was totally prepared.


 4.      Adversity can Change Your Perception about Life

During one of my self-awareness workshops, one woman shared that after 30-years of marriage; her husband revealed to her that he was a transsexual. Six months later, her son informed her that he was gay. She stated that initially she was devastated and shocked because she had always hated and looked down upon people who were culturally, racially and sexually different. She marveled that this experience has made her a compassionate, open-minded therapist and that nothing rattles her when counseling others. She believes that this experience changed her perception of others and has made her more effective in her job.

 5.      Adversity Shows You Who You are and What You truly believe in

A woman admitted that she was madly in love with a married man, even though she felt that it was unethical to be with him. One evening while dining, she noticed the un-tanned band of flesh where his wedding ring belonged and became physically ill. She realized that she was violating what she truly believed in by being involved with a married man.  She stated that she imagined what it would feel like if she was the wife at home waiting for her husband while he dined with another woman. 


This experience enforced and strengthens her belief in fidelity because she realized that when she marries someday, she wants her husband to be faithful. She said that she also learned that it’s hypocritical to want something from someone else that you aren’t willing give. She stated, “If for some reason my husband has a lapse in judgment, I hope the woman who he is interested in has enough character to say no and send him back home to me. I realize that as human beings, we have a responsibility to each other.

6.      Adversity develops your talents and gifts. 

I wrote a passionate letter to a newspaper begging them to hire me as a reporter. During the interview, they told me that I would be given writing assignments and that I could start working the next day. I was elated. My first day on the job, they informed me that my official title would be copy editor and that I would be editing the copy of the reporters. I had quit my previous job and took a pay-cut to follow my dreams. Each time a reporter would place an article in my basket, I would die on the inside. 

Once a week, I would plead my case to the publisher, “Sir, this is not me. I am a writer.” He would respond, “We don’t need another writer. There is no money in writing. Anybody can write a story, you should want to do more with your life.” After, months of editing copy, I transferred to the marketing department to sell ads. I was very good at selling ads, but my soul ached every moment of every day. Because of this experience two years later, I started my own magazine Triumph from scratch. 

I knew how to market the magazine and sell ads. I even convinced noted attorney, Geoffrey Fieger and anchorman Frank Turner to grace my covers. I had the opportunity to attend events with local celebrities and obtain groundbreaking interviews. I learned that I had the ability to sell, schmooze and develop a project from scratch. If you are doing something that you don’t like look closely at the new skills that you are learning. You may be learning something as simple as developing confidence in yourself or how to work with a variety of personality types.

 7.      Adversity Shows you the Good that you Already have in your Life.

Sometimes we take things for granted because we are accustomed to them being in our lives. We overlook so many wonderful small miracles that occur each day without thinking about them. During a winter storm my family was without electricity for three days. Prior to this, I had never appreciated my alarm clock that plays my favorite CD in the morning, the cold food in the refrigerator or the sound of cartoons on Saturday mornings. I began to think about families without running water and food at their disposal. This experience showed me all of the good things that occur in my life on a daily basis that I overlooked because I had a feeling of entitlement. Now, I spend more time focusing on what I have as opposed to what I think I am missing.

8.      Adversity allows you to develop wisdom and learn to trust your instincts.
 
Have you ever felt that you shouldn’t do or say something, but you did it anyway? Have you ever ignored the twitching in your stomach or the quiet voice of reason that implored you to make another decision? Pay attention to all the times in your life that you did not follow your gut instincts to your detriment. Note the feelings, the dreams, the warnings and symbolism that took place. Learning to trust your instincts is the greatest and most important tool needed to make good decisions. Mistakes are just directions on what not to do the next time, if you pay attention and take good notes.
Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.
For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs

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