Saturday, February 24, 2018

How to Find True love



In order to find true love, you must truly know, cherish, honor, accept and love yourself for who you really are—not who you plan to be after losing weight, increasing your breasts size, and getting a tummy tuck. If you have a negative body image because you haven’t learned how to appreciate the unique beauty of your freckles, the hump on your nose, and your thick ankles; it will be impossible to find your true love—because your true love is looking for the real you.


Everyone display signals about who they are and what they believe in by the style of clothes they wear, their hair style, whether or not they wear jewelry, the size and shape of the jewelry and  even how expensive the jewelry is. We tell people who we are by the type of shoes we wear-- whether they are gym shoes, flip-flops, heels or sandals.  Humans unconsciously give others clues about their personality traits and level of self-esteem simply by the way the way they dress.


Have you ever tried to walk in a pair of shoes that fit your feet but not your soul? You know—you are wearing the right size, they don’t hurt your toes—but when you look down at your feet they don’t look like they belong to you? Or maybe after getting a makeover in the mall you look in the mirror and see that the “real you” is buried under the make up? The reason that you do not recognize your authentic self is because the image of who you perceive as being your true self has been distorted by objects that do not reflect the real inner you.


The best way to attract true love is by presenting the most honest, sincere and authentic version of yourself to the world that celebrates the real you. The person who is meant to truly love you won’t be repelled by your freckles, your loud laugh, or your muffin top sitting over your pants; -- this will be their signal that-- you and only you-- are their one and only true love.


A friend of mine said that he recognized his life partner immediately when he saw a picture of him on an online dating site wearing Clark Kent glasses and a pocket protector filled with pens.  They met, fell madly in love and celebrated their love in a civil ceremony.


All of the wrong people were turned off by his Clark Kent glasses and pocket protector; but this was a signal to his true love to come closer. So many women suffer from low-self-esteem because they feel that they aren’t good enough the way that they are to find their true love. But what many women don’t understand is that their true love isn’t looking for a fake version of their bodies to love – he is looking for signs that she is the real thing.

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.
For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Why Women Cheat on Good Men


Advances in technology have created a chasm in the relationship between men and women. Historically, men and women needed each other for survival. Men hunted big game, built homes, and protected women from predators. Women gathered, decorated the home, made the clothing, and raised the children.  There was a time in modern day society when a women walked in the room men stood up, if a woman needed a seat on the bus all the men would offer there seat, if a woman wanted to get in a car or needed a door open gentlemen would rush to open the door for her.

Now both men and women shop at the grocery store, own guns, fight side by side in wars, and buy their clothes from the mall. Men don’t need women for sex--strip clubs are everywhere and pornography is a billion dollar industry. Women don’t need protection from men--guns are sold on every corner, she can go to the sperm bank to get pregnant, and if she loses her job the government will provide her with food stamps, baby food, day care, and housing.   Men and women are struggling to connect with each other outside of the bedroom. The relationship between masculine and feminine energy is in crisis and needs to be healed.


Men and women are taught to hate any and all things that are connected to feminine energy. This is why women are no longer proud of being housewives and taking care of their children. Raising a human being to be a loving and kind person who contributes to the well being of society is no longer an honorable goal to many modern day women.


The dominant masculine energy has created a social structure where he is no longer needed in the bedroom or the boardroom—even most manual labor jobs have been replaced by machinery and technology. The majority of jobs available in industrialized societies, no longer need physical strength from males; employers are looking for people with excellent communication and customer service skills to meet the needs of a global economy. Listening, patience, and connecting with other humans whether it is in person, over the Internet or the telephone—this is a dominant skill set of feminine energy.

Women are using their high-heel pumps to kick down glass ceiling in the competitive work force, academia, and political arena that was once dominated by men. Ironically, in order for women to become leaders, politicians, directors, CEOs, presidents, managers, and supervisors… nature provided them with more testosterone in order to adapt to a competitive work environment. This testosterone boost has given women the psychological cutting edge and confidence they need to be more ambitious, assertive, and decisive.

Long work hours, poor diet, no time to relax, and being disconnected from family and friends cause women to experience many of the spiritual and psychological issues men have experienced for centuries.  Heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, even male pattern baldness, and other stress related diseases are more common in women than in the recent past. Collectively, women’s health and longevity rates are starting to decline.


Women are now privy to knowing what it feels like to have a late lunch with a co-worker that turns into a sexual rendezvous. Women are now learning what it feels like to go on a weeklong business trip away from her family to find herself drunk, naked, and in the arms of the hotel bartender. Women are now spending so much time in school and at work—like men--they are learning what it feels like to be emotionally disconnected from their children and family. 

Women are learning spiritual lessons about what it feels like to separate her emotions from her heart. It’s easy to be judgmental of masculine energy’s cheating behavior expressed via the male sex; but until a woman has worn a man’s tie—she doesn’t know what it feels like to be symbolically strangled to death trying to act out the role and read the script of dominant masculine energy.  

Nature is not self-righteous. In order for masculine and feminine energy to come together in harmony both men and women need to “feel” what the other sex is experiencing in order to have a real conversation about infidelity to begin the healing process.
 
1.He is too connected to His Feminine Energy

In most cases, if a man has strong feminine energy his wife or girlfriend probably has strong masculine energy. This means that she has found a way to remove her heart and feelings from her behavior. Just like a man who is having an affair on his wife and children—she justifies and rationalize cheating on the people she love.
One, reason women cheat on good men is because he is in touch with his feminine energy. Men who are in touch with their feminine energy have a tendency to be nurturing, compassionate, and submissive. These characteristics are expected from women who are viewed as being inferior to men. But when a man is sensitive and non-assertive both men and women refer to him as a wimp, pussy, sissy, or girl.
Even though women claim that they want a man who is nurturing, sensitive, and connected to his feelings—when they actually get this man—his feminine energy is disrespected and dishonored in the same manner of which women are mistreated. This is why it is very important for human beings—both male and female to heal and balance their feminine energy because it doesn’t matter if a soul is wearing a male or female earth suit—they will be treated according to the feminine script as written by society.

2. Bad Men are Unable to Comprehend the Spiritual Lesson for Evolvement
The second reason women cheat on good men is because “bad” men (i.e. men disconnected from their feminine energy) are not capable of feeling the emotional pain of intimate disloyalty and betrayal in order to bring about a psychological healing for masculine energy. A “bad” man would process cheating in his left brain hemisphere… the same left brain that justifies slavery, war, genocide, human trafficking and rape.  He would be filled with anger, rage, and revenge… not self-reflection, personal accountability, and the seething pain of what it feels like to have a broken heart.  He is incapable of becoming an advocate for wisdom, growth, and transformation that unities both masculine and feminine energy.

The “bad” men will be healed and affected indirectly by his male relatives, friends, and co-workers who display and share the pain of what it feels like to be  betrayed by women whom they love and trust. The movies “Unfaithful” and “Crazy, Stupid, Love” are two movies that illustrate what if feels like for men who are faithful in their marriages to discover that their wives are having an affair.

3.   The Universe illustrates that Infidelity is not a Male or Female Trait

The third reason that women cheat on good men is because-- if it happened to men whom society felt deserved to be cheated on; society would dismiss the collective karmic debt of all men and masculine energy by focusing only on the individual male. When a “Good Man” is cheated on society can look at infidelity as a moral epidemic that needs healing in human nature.

Men have used science to declare that monogamy is not a natural or normal aspect of human nature. The fallacy with this argument is that monogamy is not synonymous with liar and cheater. If a man and a woman agree to be sexually faithful to each other—married or not—this is a moral contract between two souls—if one or both parties decide to have intimate relations with another person and discuss it with their mate before engaging in sex—this is an ethically and morally healthy relationship. 

Cheating is a character flaw because one person is giving less and receiving more than what both partners agreed to contribute to the relationship. When a person lies to their mate about having sexual relations outside of the committed relationship, this is an imbalance of give and take within the relationship. A psychologically whole and healthy person treats other people the way they want to be treated. It is not divine human nature to be deceptive to people who entrust us with their love.

Cheating on someone is more treacherous than stealing or robbery-- although what you are taking is intangible—it is also psychologically irreplaceable. It doesn’t matter why you want something of more value than you are willing pay for it. When you cheat on a person you rob their soul by making it more difficult for them to trust again. You rob them of their self-esteem because hidden away in the depths of their soul they begin to wonder about what they might have done to cause you to cheat. The person who has been cheated on may even begin to wonder if they are lovable at all.


By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.
For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs

Monday, February 12, 2018

African American Rag Doll - Free Handmade Cloth Doll Pattern - Part 2




Learn how to make a handmade cloth rag doll in the this Textile doll making DIY. In this cloth doll making YouTube tutorial, I am showing you how to make “Maggy” and African American cloth doll step by step for beginners. “Maggy” is an original cloth doll pattern that I created myself.  This is part 2 of 8  black rag doll tutorial videos in this series. The textile doll instructions in this video assumes the viewer has very little sewing experience.

 For detailed instructions click on the my Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts YouTube video.





Saturday, February 10, 2018

How to Handle Adversity



One of the toughest lessons that I have learned is that everything in my life has happened for a good reason that supports my higher good and soul’s purpose. This was a difficult concept for me to understand because I felt that if I did “A”- “B” is supposed to happen.

I had decided that when things did not work out the way that I wanted them to, “God had let me down.” I didn’t see God working in my life because He wasn’t wearing the hat that I expected. She wasn’t wearing the clothes that I had pictured in my mind’s eye. The Universe did not come at the time that I felt It should arrive. Overcoming adversity has not been easy for me because my own expectations  of how things should be blinded me to the true beauty of how the Creator weaves magic into my life. I realized that my faith in God was conditional, just as I imagined Her love for me. If I was “good” I would be rewarded. If God was Who I imagined than He would reward me.


            I now understand that faith in God is not the outcome being what I want it to be, when I want it to be. Faith is not conditional. Faith is believing in a divine wisdom that is guiding you to your highest and best self even when it is painful. I wanted to commit suicide because my rent was four months behind. I didn’t thank God at the time for blessing me with such wonderful people who understood my financial situation who believed in me and did not evict me from my home. I only focused on what I didn’t have. When my phone was turned off, I was humiliated but this was a tremendous blessing in disguise because I needed quiet time after I paid my bills to recollect my thoughts.


 After paying the phone bill, I kept the phone off an additional three weeks while I paid people back money I owed them and licked my wounds. When my phone was initially turned off, on my birthday, I cursed God for being abusive with a sick sense of humor. Now I understand that God was protecting me and giving me time to nurture myself.


           " I didn’t see God in my life because She wasn’t wearing what I thought She should be wearing. He didn’t come at the time that I thought that He should come. The Creator looked nothing like I expected. My own vision of God clouded the essence of the miracles of beauty and love that permeated my life."


            If you are trying to change jobs and every where you turn the doors are locked, stop and listen. Maybe there is something else you need to focus on right now in your life. Trust divine wisdom. Trust the moment. Focus on the good in your life and be grateful for everything that you have.


If you have experienced or you are currently experiencing some difficult or hard times, take a deep breath and relax. I want you to know that whatever you are going through right this moment is designed to help you develop into your full potential and be your highest and best self. In order for you to grow, you must be willing to learn the lessons that are being presented to you, no matter how painful it feels. 


Look within yourself for the answer. Sometimes educated professionals and religious leaders do not always have the answers to the lessons in life that we ourselves need to learn. This is simply a suggestive study guide on how to find the gifts of the adversity in your life.


1.      Adversity Allows You to Know When It’s Time to Move On

 I was fired from a job where I felt that I was not growing professionally and no longer enjoyed working in that field. I fanatically prayed each night for a change in my career. I wanted a job that I could look forward to going to that utilized my creative gifts and talents, but as a supervisor I could not use these skills.  I was also very dedicated to the success of my staff. I typically worked 10-12 hour days and when I would come home from work in the evenings, I was always too tired to write or look for other work. 


Although, shocked - I was relieved that I had been fired. While there, none of my staff ever resigned under my supervision in a high turn-over, over-worked and underpaid-industry or submitted a late report. I knew I did an excellent job. I don’t think I would have had the courage to leave my staff behind whom I loved dearly. I was too dedicated to doing a good job to focus on the true desires of my heart. It was time for me to move on and being discharged, freed me to move my life in another direction. Most importantly, I didn’t have to quit and feel that I had let my staff down.

2.      Adversity Reveal to You Who Your Allies Are

Without enemies you wouldn’t have a gauge to measure who your friends are. During some of the most difficult moments in your life, look around and see who remained by your side. Have you ever assumed that someone was in your corner, but when adversity struck or you really needed them; they were nowhere to be found?  Don’t be angry or bitter; be grateful for the wisdom to recognize true friends.


3.      Adversity Allows You to Learn What to do Next Time

My copier jammed one night while I was printing brochures for an upcoming project. I looked everywhere for the trouble-shooting manual. I called the company’s servicing center; I practically took the copier apart all to no avail. Three days later, my friend and her husband came by and I told them about the problem that I was having with my copier. Her husband, who is mechanically gifted, offered to take a look at my copier. 

He looked in the back of the copier, opened the trap door with one twist and pulled out the crinkled piece of paper jammed between the rollers in a cinch. “There, you’re all set,” he said.  I was in tears of joy. Six months later while editing an important article that was due the next day. My copier jammed again; yet this time I knew exactly how to correct the problem. I was so grateful that my copier had jammed earlier when I was not under a deadline. When the same problem presented itself again, and time was essential, I was totally prepared.


 4.      Adversity can Change Your Perception about Life

During one of my self-awareness workshops, one woman shared that after 30-years of marriage; her husband revealed to her that he was a transsexual. Six months later, her son informed her that he was gay. She stated that initially she was devastated and shocked because she had always hated and looked down upon people who were culturally, racially and sexually different. She marveled that this experience has made her a compassionate, open-minded therapist and that nothing rattles her when counseling others. She believes that this experience changed her perception of others and has made her more effective in her job.

 5.      Adversity Shows You Who You are and What You truly believe in

A woman admitted that she was madly in love with a married man, even though she felt that it was unethical to be with him. One evening while dining, she noticed the un-tanned band of flesh where his wedding ring belonged and became physically ill. She realized that she was violating what she truly believed in by being involved with a married man.  She stated that she imagined what it would feel like if she was the wife at home waiting for her husband while he dined with another woman. 


This experience enforced and strengthens her belief in fidelity because she realized that when she marries someday, she wants her husband to be faithful. She said that she also learned that it’s hypocritical to want something from someone else that you aren’t willing give. She stated, “If for some reason my husband has a lapse in judgment, I hope the woman who he is interested in has enough character to say no and send him back home to me. I realize that as human beings, we have a responsibility to each other.

6.      Adversity develops your talents and gifts. 

I wrote a passionate letter to a newspaper begging them to hire me as a reporter. During the interview, they told me that I would be given writing assignments and that I could start working the next day. I was elated. My first day on the job, they informed me that my official title would be copy editor and that I would be editing the copy of the reporters. I had quit my previous job and took a pay-cut to follow my dreams. Each time a reporter would place an article in my basket, I would die on the inside. 

Once a week, I would plead my case to the publisher, “Sir, this is not me. I am a writer.” He would respond, “We don’t need another writer. There is no money in writing. Anybody can write a story, you should want to do more with your life.” After, months of editing copy, I transferred to the marketing department to sell ads. I was very good at selling ads, but my soul ached every moment of every day. Because of this experience two years later, I started my own magazine Triumph from scratch. 

I knew how to market the magazine and sell ads. I even convinced noted attorney, Geoffrey Fieger and anchorman Frank Turner to grace my covers. I had the opportunity to attend events with local celebrities and obtain groundbreaking interviews. I learned that I had the ability to sell, schmooze and develop a project from scratch. If you are doing something that you don’t like look closely at the new skills that you are learning. You may be learning something as simple as developing confidence in yourself or how to work with a variety of personality types.

 7.      Adversity Shows you the Good that you Already have in your Life.

Sometimes we take things for granted because we are accustomed to them being in our lives. We overlook so many wonderful small miracles that occur each day without thinking about them. During a winter storm my family was without electricity for three days. Prior to this, I had never appreciated my alarm clock that plays my favorite CD in the morning, the cold food in the refrigerator or the sound of cartoons on Saturday mornings. I began to think about families without running water and food at their disposal. This experience showed me all of the good things that occur in my life on a daily basis that I overlooked because I had a feeling of entitlement. Now, I spend more time focusing on what I have as opposed to what I think I am missing.

8.      Adversity allows you to develop wisdom and learn to trust your instincts.
 
Have you ever felt that you shouldn’t do or say something, but you did it anyway? Have you ever ignored the twitching in your stomach or the quiet voice of reason that implored you to make another decision? Pay attention to all the times in your life that you did not follow your gut instincts to your detriment. Note the feelings, the dreams, the warnings and symbolism that took place. Learning to trust your instincts is the greatest and most important tool needed to make good decisions. Mistakes are just directions on what not to do the next time, if you pay attention and take good notes.
Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.
For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs