Secret to Success
How to be Successful in life --Part 1
Every one will tell you their secret to success and what techniques and strategies they used to get there. My advice is a little twisted-- and some even say a little dark and soul-shattering. What I am about to tell you is not the norm, it’s not the traditional feel-good philosophy telling you that you need to be more organized, write perfect goals, create a dream box/ vision board, or manage your time better. These are all great resources and skills to have, but this is not how you make your dreams come true—at least not in my opinion.
Making your dreams come true is all about mental toughness. It is not about talent, beauty, money, I.Q. scores, rich parents, who you know or who you sleep with (ask Monica Lewinsky). Once you are able to control how you think and feel this will automatically lead you into changing your behavior. Changing your behavior, changes your actions and changing your actions is what changes your life that ultimately lead to making your dreams come true.
Secret to Success Rule # 1
Only listen to the God inside of you. There is a very, very, very, quiet, subtle voice inside of you that knows what is right and wrong for you. No one else can hear this voice and this voice is not argumentative or demanding which is why many people can not hear it. I am still learning to pay attention to this voice- and this voice alone. I have made some of the biggest mistakes and achieved the greatest successes in my life because of this voice. Something told me not to follow the boy in my 8th grade class, behind the church who then raped me.
Something told me to attend California Coast University, although everyone begged me not to because it is a long distance learning institution without the same prestige as a traditional university. I listened to the quiet voice and I was selected from hundreds of applications because the chairperson from my department had earned the same degree from the same school.
I don’t care what the bible says, I don’t care what the Koran says, I don’t care what the priest says, I don’t care what the preacher, your momma or your daddy says. You listen to God. He will never ever lead you wrong. Her only agenda, in my opinion, is for you to share and express the unique gifts and talents that She has given you with the world in a manner that brings joy, happiness and prosperity to you and others.
How do you know it’s God Voice? It’s not pushy or demanding. God gave us free will. It is not judgmental. God loves us unconditionally. Ask your self these questions: Will my actions hurt, humiliate, or shame someone else? Will my actions take away someone else’s free-will or ability to choose their own path of happiness and joy? Most importantly, ask yourself, do I want this to happen to me or someone I love dearly?
Secret to Success Rule # 2
Take every negative comment, person and experience in your life and use them as fuel to add to the fire inside your soul that will drive you to your dreams. Many people use their negative experiences as their excuses to fail. They blame their parents’ alcohol abuse, their uncaring teachers; verbally and physically abuse family members and their daddy who was never home. After completing my GED, the admissions counselor at the community college looked me directly in my eyes and told me that I was not college material and that I should enroll in a cosmetology school because it was obvious from my appearance that I loved make up. My mouth dropped.
I could not believe that this woman was telling me this to my face. Yes, granted I failed all of my classes in high school due to lack of attendance, my clothes were maybe a little too revealing (okay a lot) and I still love navy-royal blue eye-shadow and way-too-much-eyeliner and mascara, but what the hell did that have to do with my desire to attend and succeed academically at a community college to improve my life?
I wish that I could remember this admission counselor’s name because I want to thank her for putting the first and biggest piece of coal in the fire of my soul that led me to earn 5 college degrees.
My first semester at the community college, I had no idea on how to take notes during a lecture, write a research paper or study for a test. But, every thought of that admissions counselor telling me that I was not college material, inspired me to work harder and remain focused, because I had no desire or talent to be anybody’ make-up artist. Whenever I would become frustrated and wanted to give up, I would see the admissions counselors face in my imagination and I would look directly back into her eyes and say, “Look b ****t @#$%%, I am the master of my dreams--not you” I am half kidding.
Sincerely I would say to her, “You are wrong. I can do whatever I want to do with my life. How dare you tell me what I can or can not do with my life! Who do you think you are?! You don’t know me. You don’t define me. I define me.” Whenever, I felt like giving up or not studying a little longer, I thought about this woman. I realized that it didn’t matter what she thought about me (she thought nothing of me), what mattered most to me is what I thought about myself. The only way I could disappoint her was by succeeding. I decided that the last person that I ever wanted to let down – was my self.
There will always be people in your life telling you what you are cable and not cable of doing or being. But you have the final say. You take every negative experience in your life to motivate you. Spare the world your sad sob story for failing, becoming an alcoholic or abusing drugs because of the negative people and experiences in your life. Your story will only be interesting, fun and intriguing when you are able to overcome your obstacles.
Secret to Success Rule # 3
Have a clear picture in your mind of what you do not want, and do the opposite. I was never lucky enough to know what I wanted to do with my life. If you asked me what I wanted to be or do with my life, I couldn’t tell you, but I could definitely tell you what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to work in the food industry because I don’t like to get dirty. I didn’t want to work in the medical field in any capacity because I don’t like to get dirty or be in the vicinity of a dead or dying body. I didn’t want to work in an auto plant or factory because I want to wear high-heel pumps and panty-hose, plus I didn’t want to break a nail.
I didn’t want to teach small children, because I am too immature and I would insist on taking the red lollipop which is my favorite; and I lack the ability to give them the structure and discipline they need because I would be on the floor laughing. Kids are too cute and too funny for me to be the type of teacher they need to excel academically. I want to be financially independent. I earn a very good salary, but I still want to be able to call the shots in my life.
Whenever, I started to lag in school, I knew that I was becoming exactly what I didn’t want to be, because the only careers that would be available to me without the proper credentials are many of the things that I absolutely did not want to do. Keep a mental picture in your mind’s eye of where you will be 3, 5, 7, 10 years down the line based on your behavior today. Maybe you don’t know what you want to do and that is perfectly okay.
But make sure that you know what you don’t want to do and use each day to move in the opposite direction. Take a variety of classes to find out what likes and dislikes are. Well-meaning people are going to pressure you to pick a major. Don’t rush into paying for a degree in a field that you aren’t sure about. Knowing what you don’t like can lead and inspire you in the direction of doing what you do like.
By Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, Psy.D
No comments:
Post a Comment