How to Find Yourself

I have so much to say or shall I say ask…is there a difference between finding your way and being lost? Ultimately, the results are the same, but I think there is a difference. If one is lost, we can assume that this person knows where there home is; however for one reason or another they have lost their way back to where they belong.

On the other hand, if a person is seeking to find their way—I would argue that they do not have a home or place to which they feel they belong…

So… I deleted all of my dirty YouTube videos – I mean they were never dirty to me personally—but this tends to be the view of most mainstream, normal people. So I cleaned up my Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts YouTube channel.

I want my YouTube channel to grow, so I decided that it was time to clean up my act. The very next day, someone commented below my video, “eeewww  your dolls have boobs. Hey keep it family friendly!”

My first thought was to respond to them, “Why don’t you get the psychological help you deserve and need desperately—but then I decided to simply delete the comment. This person had just missed by less than 24 hours the intimate relationship between Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai and Mr. Moon Man Lover on YouTube for all the world to see.

Family friendly? I don’t think I know what that is. So, I have decided that I can never be clean enough, proper enough, or good enough to be where I don’t belong- a hair will always be out of place.

In all of my doll clothes, crafts, shoes, etc tutorials, I would explain to viewers that they could adjust the patterns to fit their Monster High, American Girl, and Barbie dolls. I banged on the door for them to please let me into their mainstream doll club.

In the comment box below several of my videos people frequently comment, “ your dolls are creepy.”  Delete.

They don’t even know how creepy my dolls really are. They tell me stories, give advice, and share life lessons from other galaxies. Sometimes, I refuse to make eye contact with them in fear that it is an invitation for a conversation that I am not in the mood for.

 My Authentik Beauty and Jungle Beauty Goddess dolls are alive. Seriously. So, I have come to the conclusion that it is okay for me to create craft tutorial videos—but my primary focus needs to shift to sharing my doll’s stories. This is why they have come to visit planet earth.

I have tried my best to ignore them or sell them—but they refuse to leave until their voices are heard. The problem is-- I am really shy and nervous on camera, but I need to find my way home to where  I belong. The place where I can be the same person on and off camera—my silly, serious self.

I am really grateful to the person who commented, “eeewww…” about my dolls—you made me finally realize and accept my doll’s stories, lessons, and advice are not for children or people who prefer the surface of the status quo.

The most important lesson that I have learned is that you don’t find your audience or your tribe until you find your “real” self and express your authentic truth…shamelessly and unapologetically.

And in the famous words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”