How to Change your Life

If you have asked yourself a thousand times, “How can I change my life,” you are not alone. Many psychologists, counselors, and spiritual teachers will tell you that if you change your thinking, you will change your life; but for many of us this is a very difficult thing to do. In order to change your life the very first thing you must do is look at your life and see what is working for you. Pay close attention to your natural allies. Who is attracted to you? Who is calling you back? Who is befriending you? What are you naturally good at? 

The secret to changing your life is finding the areas in your life where positive energy is already effortlessly flowing. I have I listened to many people complain to me about stores that do not carry their size, people who do not like them,  and all of the things that they hate about their jobs-- they pay very little attention to the doors that are wide open waiting for them to walk in. In this article I will give you three simple ways to change your life for the better.

I have not been paid or asked to write this article in support of any stores or products mentioned in this article.  These comments and suggestions are solely my own opinion not an endorsement of any kind.

I have a girlfriend who constantly complains about not being able to find attractive clothes for plus size women.  She believes that most fashion for plus size women looks matronly or reveals too much skin.   She also complains that the plus size mannequins do not represent the average plus size woman who shops in the store. As a plus size woman myself, I see exactly what she is complaining about however, I do not focus my time, energy, or money in these stores. 

My favorite store to shop for dresses is JC Penny who carries my favorite brand “American Living.” I love the dresses because they are very inexpensive, washable, and the fabric stretches. I tell everyone that I noticed that I wear a size 16 stretch. If the fabric does not give in the areas of the stomach, buttocks, and breasts; I know that it is not going to fit me so I don’t waste my time trying it on and complaining about the modeling industry or trying some fade diet. I have learned to accept what fits my body in a way that makes me feel attractive.

I wear a size 11 shoe. When I shop at DSW, I look for the neon green sticker that reads size 11. Chinese Laundry is a particular brand that has fashionable boots and shoes that are wide enough to fit my feet. I don’t torture myself by looking at any shoes or boots that are not my size. When I walk into new shoe stores the first question I ask the sales person is, “Do you carry a size 11?” If they say no, I don’t waste a single moment of my time telling them that I am going to write their corporate company and complain. I keep moving to look for stores who are looking for people like me.

I wore a size 7 prior to having children-- and menopause has doubled my size plus two. An ex-boyfriend once complained to me while I was eating my beloved hot wings and pizza that if I gained weight, he was going to break up with me because he is not attracted to fat women. At the time I wore a size 10.  I lost 230 lbs the very next day—him. He had to go. I literally met the man of my dreams two weeks later and we have been together for almost 15 years. I wanted to be in a relationship with a man who loved my soul and would be attracted to me whether I was a size two or a size twenty.

Look at your life and take note of who appreciates, love, and respect you as you are, unconditionally. If you don’t like the models in a magazine don’t buy that magazine. Write stories for your children that express your morals and values. Spend more time doing activities that bring you joy whether it is baking cookies, planting flowers, or playing guitar. If you truly want to change your life focus, your time and energy on the positive things in your life that you want to remain the same. 

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.

For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs

DIY Customize Doll Tutorial - How to Make a Bendable Doll

How to Relieve Stress

Dealing with stress is a natural part of life. How to handle stress is simply knowing that everything in life that you want to achieve that has value will push you outside of your emotional and psychological comfort zone.

 Make peace with stress. Make stress your best friend with the stress relief techniques in this article. Because let me tell you something, no matter which road you choose to take in life it’s not going to be  stress free. You’re going to have good and bad days. But wouldn’t you rather have the stress of wondering which house to buy; which employee to hire or fire; which dress to wear to the ball….  Rather than, “Oh God, I hope this credit card goes through while I am standing in line?” Wouldn’t you rather have the stress of which job to select than hoping the lay-off does not include you? 

Wouldn’t you rather have the stress of where to fit in your appearance on  a talk show in your busy schedule, than wondering whether or not you will receive your annual 2% raise? No matter what you do in life there will be stress. If you are rich, you will wonder if your friends love you or your money. People will beg you to donate to their causes and pay their bills. But wouldn’t you rather have the money to decide where you will invest it, rather than hoping your checks clear at the end of the month? Think about it. Pick your stress. The number one secret to stress management is to recognize what you can and cannot control.

Do you want the stress of going to college, pulling all-nighters studying and writing papers because your dream is to be an attorney, doctor or teacher? Or would you prefer to go to a job that you detest each day wishing you had gone to college?  Would you rather work hard on starting your own business; you know, the cute little coffee shop that patronizes poets, the women’s boutique stocked with the clothes that you select from around the world or the bed and breakfast where you cook your specialty breakfast for newlyweds. 

Or would you prefer  to tell anyone who will listen about the business you wanted to start some day and all of the excuses you have collected over time explaining why you couldn’t do it.  Can you see what I am saying? Whether you choose to follow your dream or not, you are still going to be stressed out. You are still probably going to be depressed here and there and experience disappointments. So why not pick your stress in such a way that the end is more likely to turn out in your favor.

Life is not going to be perfect whether you choose to live your dream or not. People you love will still die. You may still struggle financially. Your weight will go up and down. Your country may be at war. Your business may not succeed. But these are all normal phases of life. Make a choice to feel happiness knowing that there is nothing else you would rather be doing with your life than what you are doing right now.

I can’t lose by writing books, articles, and sewing dolls and making videos. The thought of doing these things make my heart tickle with joy. I am living a life of magical serendipity  because I chose to follow my dreams while becoming financially independent. I left one of my best paying jobs decades ago because they would not grant me time off of work to study for my doctorate comprehensive exams. 

I had no health insurance, money and two children to provide for, but I told myself that if I let that job prevent me from furthering my education, I would be there forever. As I was walking out of the building, an older lady in her late (I was barely thirty at the time. Ha Ha. Fifty seems young to me now.) fifties stopped me at the door. She hugged me and said, “Baby, I am so proud of you. I had big dreams too when I started working here. But the money got good, every time I looked around there was a pay increase or bonus so I dropped out of school and stayed here. 

I see so many people come here with a plan to leave but they never do. We all go to the bar after work and talk about how much we wished we had never given up on what we really wanted. When one of us would get a little courage to leave, the other one would remind them of the money and how difficult it would be to make it. When you walk out this door, please don’t look back. It may be hard, but twenty years from now you will be so proud of yourself.”

            Are you wondering if leaving my well-paying job was difficult?  Difficult?  Difficult was an understatement. I was insane to leave a job with the best health insurance and salary for social workers. People were dying to have my job. And I was dying to leave my job. I wanted to complete my doctorate degree and develop programs. I was miserable. I would like to tell you this warm, fuzzy story of how things worked out great for me, but that would be a bald-face lie. 

The week of my doctorate comprehensive exams, my father was lying in a funeral home. My soul needed to take the doctorate exam because I had given up so much to arrive at that moment in time. I had quit my job. My father had left  the planet...and  there was nothing I could do about it. I was happy that I had the exam to focus on rather than the misery that was beckoning for my attention. I only knew how to move forward. I was afraid that if I stood and faced the reality of the devastation that had occurred in my life, I would have fallen apart. 

            Life became much more difficult for me, before it found itself back to even being okay. Yes, I regretted leaving my job. I was disgusted with myself for wanting so much from life. I wished that I could go to work and dissolve my pain in church or with a glass of wine for a sure pay check at the same time each month, than some grandiose dream of completing my doctorate, developing programs and writing books. I wished that I knew how to control the painful surges of emotions that would cause me to pull my car over to the side of the freeway and sob hysterically.

“I know there is so much more to life, God! There are people who are living their dreams. There are people who are excited to go to work today. Why can’t I be one of them!!!!!” I would scream like a two-year-old, while beating the steering wheel of my car. My temper tantrums never seemed to get God’s attention. I have learned that it was not that God wasn’t listening to me and trying to help me. It’s just that I couldn’t hear God while entangled in a mode of desperation and drama. I couldn’t feel God’s gentle guidance while feeling rage, anger and self-hatred. I needed to learn how to ground my emotions and identify what divine inspiration really felt like, so that I could recognize my soul’s purpose.

12 Stress Management Tips

 1. Use whatever resources that are available to you. Stop wishing you were someone or somewhere else. You are where you are for a reason. Cultivate and nourish your roots. You will grow stronger from your inner strength. If your life was perfect, you may not be inspired to write your book,  or start your new business. Think of  your anxiety as fuel. Channel it into something meaningful.

2. Learn what the rules are before you can learn to twist and break them to your advantage. Don’t re-invent the wheel. Learn what others have done. This will save you money and time. Benefit from their mistakes and triumphs. Sometimes we are stressed out because we think that our circumstances are supposed to be different. However if you talk to someone who is where you want to be you will be pleasantly surprised at how long  and difficult it was for them to achieve their goals.

3. Come in through the back door. The front entrance is crowded with people just like you. Think of ways to come through the back door of your dreams. The underground railroad lead many African Americans to freedom. Many people have self-published and distributed their own books. Think of new, creative ways to make your dreams come true.

4.         Don’t expect anyone to help especially in the beginning stages of a new project. Once you prove that you are committed to your ideal, others will follow suit. You need to be your own number one fan and cheering squad.

5.         Don’t talk away your dreams. Each time you talk about what you are going to do, you dilute the potency of your energy towards your goal. Don’t put your life force energy into talking about your dreams. Use your passion to fuel your actions toward your goal. Don’t talk about it, be about it-- do it. Period.

6.         If you don’t have a written business plan, you are just talking and letting off steam. If you are serious about your dream WRITE IT DOWN! If you can’t organize the idea so that you or someone else can articulate it in writing, people who may be interested cannot take you seriously. This is like going to a restaurant where there is no menu. The waiter is telling you all about the great meals that are available, but most of us would still want to see a written menu so that we could compare and contrast and make a delicious selection. So what you have a great idea, move your idea to the next level by writing down (creating a business plan, there are several books in any major bookstore) or paying someone to create a business plan for you.

7.         Don’t be quick to believe in the compliments or criticisms of other people. If you give people the power to build you up, you have also given them the power to destroy you as well. Listen to the quiet voice within yourself. Let the God in you guide your life.

8.         Don’t copy the styles of others. It is impossible to beat someone at his or her own game. No one can be a better you than you. You are the patented copy signed by the universe. When you emulate others you lose your edge, uniqueness, and special ingredient to be authentically successful and beautiful.

9.         Attach yourself to your effort and detach yourself from the outcome. Your expectations of what should happen can destroy your happiness and dissolve your self-esteem. Be proud of yourself for completing the task. Be proud of yourself for not talking about what you could have been or should have been, but what you were courageous enough to do with your life. Be proud of yourself for living life to the fullest and let the chips fall where they may.

10.       You have nothing better to do than pursue you own happiness. Don’t just let life happen to you. I understand that you have bills and responsibilities, but if you don’t do something today to change your life-- 10 years from this moment that you are reading this blog, you are still going to have a life of bills and responsibilities unless you do something different to change your life.

11.       Barriers are really self-created excuses. Don’t tell yourself why you can’t follow your dreams such as not having enough time or money. Every day look for creative ways to manifest your dreams no matter how small the steps are. Look for things that you can eliminate or increase right now that will help you accomplish your goals. You can remove excuses anytime you feel like it. You are a powerful human being.

12.       Take action. Your behavior is the truest indicator of what you really think about yourself and what you are willing to accept out of life. You know the truth. You know that if you really, really wanted to change you could. But for some reason you are comfortable where you are. Each time that you find yourself not reaching for your goal while watching television, browsing through social media, or texting on the phone, gently and lovingly ask yourself “Why, am I allowing my life to flow in this direction?”

 I wish I could tell you that there is a Jeannie-in-a-bottle that is waiting for your command to make your dream come true and remove all of the stress from your life. I wish I could tell that it is simple and easy to live the life of your dreams without anxiety. But I would be lying to you. The best way to release stress is to redefine it and make it your friend.  David Allen said, "Much of the stress that people feel doesn't come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they've started."

The only magic is your actions and efforts. You are the motor of your dream mobile. You are the breath that gives your dreams life.  Without your perseverance and action, nothing will happen. Dreams do not create themselves. You got this.

Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.

For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs

Top 30 Inspirational Love Quotes

In this YouTube video, I am sharing my top 30 Inspirational Love Quotes with pictures of Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai and Dr. Lunar M. Crater.

When I made Dr. Lunar M. Crater, I didn’t know that he was a main character in my Jungle Beauty Goddesses’ Book series. I made him because I didn’t know what to do with the left over fabric. His eyes were never permanently glued inside of its sockets; yet he came to life immediately… the second he saw Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai. The love between them was more powerful than my apprehension to write a love story about two beings from different universes and dimensions of reality.

Yes, you can be from a different universe, yet exist on the same dimension of reality… we will talk about this at another time.

Mr. Moon Man Lover is about to receive a complete makeover. I am excited and sad. Isn’t that weird? I want to give him the body he deserves. Dr. Crater’s new body will take advantage of the new sewing skills that I have acquired over the last 7 years since I first made him.

Did you know there is a connection between Mr. Moon Man Lover and the mermaids? I didn’t either! 

 However, this is not what I want to talk about. I am going to miss Mr. Moon Man’s old body—because I am going to miss the innocent part of me who made him for the first time… before I knew that people would label my dolls as weird, creepy, and even ugly.

Mr. Moon Man Lover AKA Dr. Lunar M. Crater, I am writing this open letter to you to let you know that I am open to your direction of self-expression. I promise to shut the world’s opinion’s out and listen to you only-- so that you may be the authentic being that you came to planet Earth to be as brought to existence through me. Jungle Beauty Goddess Sinai is anxiously waiting for you.

Secret to Success

The secret of my success is my willingness to make mistakes, learn new things, and follow my heart.

Everyone will tell you their secret to success and what techniques and strategies they used on how to be successful in life. My advice is a little twisted-- and some even say a little dark and soul-shattering.  What I am about to tell you is not the norm, it’s not the traditional feel-good philosophy telling you that you need to be more organized, write perfect goals, create a dream box/ vision board, or manage your time better. 

These are all great resources and skills to have, but this is not how you make your dreams come true—at least not in my opinion.

Making your dreams come true is all about mental toughness. It is not about talent, beauty, money, I.Q. scores, rich parents, who you know or who you sleep with (ask Monica Lewinsky).  Once you are able to control how you think and feel this will automatically lead you into changing your behavior. Changing your behavior, changes your actions and changing your actions is what changes your life that ultimately lead to making your dreams come true.

 Secret to Success Rule # 1

Only listen to the God inside of you. There is a very, very, very, quiet, subtle voice inside of you that knows what is right and wrong for you. No one else can hear this voice and this voice and is not ( I repeat it is not argumentative or argumentative) or demanding which is why many people can not hear it. I am still learning to pay attention to this voice- and this voice alone. I have made some of the biggest mistakes and achieved the greatest successes in my life based on whether or not I chose to take heed to this quiet voice. Something told me not to follow the boy in my 8^th grade class, behind the church who then raped me. 

Something told me to attend CCU, although everyone begged me not to because it is a long distance learning institution that lacked the same prestige as a traditional university.  I listened to the quiet voice and I was selected from hundreds of applications because the chairperson from my department had earned the same degree from the same school. 

I don’t care what the bible says, I don’t care what the Koran says, I don’t care what the priest says, I don’t care what the preacher, your momma or your daddy says. You listen to God. The God inside of you. She will never ever lead you wrong. Her only agenda, in my opinion, is for you to share and express the unique gifts and talents that that were bestowed upon you to share with the world in a manner that brings joy, happiness, and prosperity to you and others.

How do you know it is God's Voice? It is not pushy or demanding. God gave us free will. It is not judgmental. God loves us unconditionally. Ask yourself these questions: Will my actions hurt, humiliate, or shame someone else? Will my actions take away someone else's free-will or ability to choose their own path of personal growth, happiness, or joy?  Most importantly, ask yourself, do I want this to happen to me or someone I love dearly? If your decision not harm others in any way you must then ask yourself: "If I continue on my current path will I continue to get what I am already getting?" If you keep doing what you are already doing-- you will continue to get what you are already getting.

Secret to Success Rule # 2

Take every negative comment, person, and experience in your life and use it as psychological and emotional fuel to add to the fire inside of your soul that will drive you to your dreams. Many people use their negative experiences as their excuses to fail. They blame their parents’ alcohol abuse, their uncaring teachers; verbally and physically abuse family members and their daddy who was never home for their problems in life.

After completing my GED, the admissions counselor at the community college looked directly into my eyes and told me that I was not college material and that I should enroll in a cosmetology school. She said that based on my appearance it was obvious that I loved playing in make up. My mouth dropped. I could not believe that this woman was saying these mean-spirited things to   my face. 

Yes, granted I failed all of my classes in high school due to lack of attendance, my clothes were maybe a little too revealing (okay a lot) and I still love navy-royal blue eye-shadow and way-too-much-eyeliner and mascara-- but what the hell did that have to do with my desire to attend and succeed academically at a community college to improve my life?

I wish that I could remember this admission counselor’s name because I want to thank her for putting the first and biggest piece of coal in the fire of my soul that led me to earn 5 college degrees. 

My first semester at the community college, I had no idea on how to take notes during a lecture, write a research paper or study for a test. But, every thought of that admissions counselor telling me that I was not college material, inspired me to work harder and remain focused, because I had no desire or talent to be anybody’ make-up artist. Whenever I would become frustrated and wanted to give up,  I would see the admissions counselors face in my imagination and I would look directly back into her eyes and say, “Look b ****t,”  I am kidding . Sincerely I would say to her...

"I can do whatever I want to do with my life. How dare you tell me what I can or cannot do with my life! Who do you think you are?! You don’t know me. You don’t define me.  I define me.” Whenever, I felt like giving up or not studying a little longer, I thought about this woman. I realized that it didn’t matter what she thought about me (she thought nothing of me), what mattered most to me is what I thought about myself. The only way I could disappoint her was by succeeding. I decided that the last person that I ever wanted to let down – was myself.

There will always be people in your life telling you what you are cable and not cable of doing or being. But you have the final say. You take every negative experience in your life to motivate you. Spare the world your sad sob story for failing, becoming an alcoholic or abusing drugs because of the negative people and experiences in your life. Your story will only be interesting, fun, and intriguing... only when you are able to overcome your obstacles. 

 Secret to Success Rule # 3

Have a clear picture in your mind of what you do not want, and do the opposite. I was never lucky enough to know what I wanted to do with my life. If you asked me what I wanted to be or do with my life, I couldn’t tell you exactly, but I could definitely tell you what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to work in the food industry because I don’t like to get dirty. I didn’t want to work in the medical field in any capacity because I don’t like to get dirty or be in the vicinity of a dead or dying bodies. 

I didn’t want to work in an auto plant or factory because I wanted to wear high-heel pumps and panty-hose, plus I didn’t want to break a nail. I didn’t want to teach small children, because I am too immature and I would insist on taking the red lollipop which is my favorite; and I lack the ability to give them the structure and discipline they need because I would be on the floor laughing when they misbehaved. Kids are too cute and too funny for me to be the type of teacher they need to excel academically.

Whenever, I started to lag in school, I knew that I was becoming exactly what I didn’t want to be, because the only careers that would be available to me without the proper credentials are many of the things that I absolutely did not want to do. Keep a mental picture in your mind’s eye of where you will be 3, 5, 7, 10 years down the line based on your behavior today. Maybe you don’t know what you want to do and that is perfectly okay.

But make sure that you know what you don’t want to do and use each day to move in the opposite direction. Take a variety of classes and try out various fields of employment to find out what you like and dislike. Well-meaning people are going to pressure you to pick a major. Don’t rush into paying for a degree in a field that you aren’t sure about. Knowing what you don’t like can lead and inspire you in the direction of doing what you do like. Just be patient and honest with yourself.

 Secret to Success Rule # 4

Find positive people to inspire you even if they only live in a book.  There has never been anyone in my immediate circle who wanted  to accomplish the same goals in life that I wish to achieve. I can’t pick up the phone and call anyone for business or money advice. There are no role models in my immediate or distant circle who earn they type of money or achieved the level of success that I want to emulate. Most people chastise me for wanting so much out of life. They tell me that I am a gambler waging a bet of double or nothing. They tell me of course, your dreams can come true but what are the odds 1 in 2 million. Stop being a dreamer. Grow up.

Be more practical. Find an administrative position. Marry a rich man. Teach in a government program to alleviate your student loan debt. Be happy with what you have, you are so lucky to teach at a community college; do you know how many people who would die to be in your position? None of these people are negative or player haters, they just don’t see my vision for my life. I have to find role models and positive people who understand my dream of success outside of my environment.

The first person, I met was Iyanla Vazant, when  I read her book, Value in the Valley. I thought that I would never stop crying. Iyanla helped me rediscover that little girl who loved to write. I wrote my first article and was published in several national magazines. I quit my job as a social worker with the state, wrote a program and began working for myself as an outreach therapist, as well as publishing , Triumph, my own magazine. Thank you Iyanla, I love you. 

There have been many others in between the first, but a few years later, Russell Simmons book, Do You, is the reason that I self-published 3 books within a 3 month period. I needed his huge piece of psychological coal to recharge the fire in my spirit that no longer responds to negative experiences or people.

My current level, I believe is the toughest and the easiest level depending on the individual. For me this level is very difficult because no one is telling me what I can’t do, but that I have done enough, that I should grow up, stop dreaming, live on a tight budget and pay my bills; and save money for my retirement, and and pray that my children will be able to help support me in my old age.  And oh yeah, put a side some money for my funeral.

I am still very hungry and as determined as I have ever been to live the life of my dreams. Unlike people who think that you can’t achieve your dreams, as you get older there will be more people who believe that you have done enough, but only you know when you have reached your full potential. This leads me to rule # 5.

 Secret to Success Rule # 5

Every aspect of your life should support your dream. The job that you have should give you the financial resources, skills and/or flexibility in your schedule to spend time nurturing your dream. It can not be your excuse for failure. If you are too tired and drained when you come home from work to write your novel, sew a quilt, or read a book-- your life will become stagnant. You will feel neither dead nor alive. You will become a drone in somebody else's dream. Somebody's happy and living a rich, juicy, and fulfilling life. Make sure that you are one of those people.

Secret to Success Rule # 6

Be your own hero. Who do you think inspired Harriet Tubman, Maria Montessori, Madame C. J. Walker, Oprah Winfrey, or Thomas Edison? You may be the first person to cure the common cold or build a house on Mars. 

Imagine your life as a movie. What can you do right now so that every actor is fighting for the role to play you? What can you do right now that will have every one in the movie theater cheering for you right now? What can you do today that will win the "Best Performance Oscar" for the multidimensional version of you that will inspire someone else living under the same conditions as you today? That is what the hell you do. Who cares what other people think. Imagine yourself winning against all odds.

 This leads me back to rule # 1- listen to the God inside of you, believe in yourself, and believe in your dream. 

Do one thing everyday-- no matter how small the task towards accomplishing your dream. 


In your first decade in life people will tell you that you can be and do anything. 

In your second decade of life people will began to tell you what you can't do. 

In your third decade of life people tell you that you are all that you are ever going to be.  

In your fourth decade of life people will tell you that you have done enough and that you should stop dreaming, and accept your life as it is.

What stage of life are you in? Have you lost your confidence in yourself?

Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D MA, MA.

For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs