Secret to Success

The secret of my success is my willingness to make mistakes, learn new things, and follow my heart.

Everyone will tell you their secret to success and what techniques and strategies they used on how to be successful in life. My advice is a little twisted-- and some even say a little dark and soul-shattering.  What I am about to tell you is not the norm, it’s not the traditional feel-good philosophy telling you that you need to be more organized, write perfect goals, create a dream box/ vision board, or manage your time better. 

These are all great resources and skills to have, but this is not how you make your dreams come true—at least not in my opinion.

Making your dreams come true is all about mental toughness. It is not about talent, beauty, money, I.Q. scores, rich parents, who you know or who you sleep with (ask Monica Lewinsky).  Once you are able to control how you think and feel this will automatically lead you into changing your behavior. Changing your behavior, changes your actions and changing your actions is what changes your life that ultimately lead to making your dreams come true.

 Secret to Success Rule # 1

Only listen to the God inside of you. There is a very, very, very, quiet, subtle voice inside of you that knows what is right and wrong for you. No one else can hear this voice and this voice and is not ( I repeat it is not argumentative or argumentative) or demanding which is why many people can not hear it. I am still learning to pay attention to this voice- and this voice alone. I have made some of the biggest mistakes and achieved the greatest successes in my life based on whether or not I chose to take heed to this quiet voice. Something told me not to follow the boy in my 8^th grade class, behind the church who then raped me. 

Something told me to attend CCU, although everyone begged me not to because it is a long distance learning institution that lacked the same prestige as a traditional university.  I listened to the quiet voice and I was selected from hundreds of applications because the chairperson from my department had earned the same degree from the same school. 

I don’t care what the bible says, I don’t care what the Koran says, I don’t care what the priest says, I don’t care what the preacher, your momma or your daddy says. You listen to God. The God inside of you. She will never ever lead you wrong. Her only agenda, in my opinion, is for you to share and express the unique gifts and talents that that were bestowed upon you to share with the world in a manner that brings joy, happiness, and prosperity to you and others.

How do you know it is God's Voice? It is not pushy or demanding. God gave us free will. It is not judgmental. God loves us unconditionally. Ask yourself these questions: Will my actions hurt, humiliate, or shame someone else? Will my actions take away someone else's free-will or ability to choose their own path of personal growth, happiness, or joy?  Most importantly, ask yourself, do I want this to happen to me or someone I love dearly? If your decision not harm others in any way you must then ask yourself: "If I continue on my current path will I continue to get what I am already getting?" If you keep doing what you are already doing-- you will continue to get what you are already getting.

Secret to Success Rule # 2

Take every negative comment, person, and experience in your life and use it as psychological and emotional fuel to add to the fire inside of your soul that will drive you to your dreams. Many people use their negative experiences as their excuses to fail. They blame their parents’ alcohol abuse, their uncaring teachers; verbally and physically abuse family members and their daddy who was never home for their problems in life.

After completing my GED, the admissions counselor at the community college looked directly into my eyes and told me that I was not college material and that I should enroll in a cosmetology school. She said that based on my appearance it was obvious that I loved playing in make up. My mouth dropped. I could not believe that this woman was saying these mean-spirited things to   my face. 

Yes, granted I failed all of my classes in high school due to lack of attendance, my clothes were maybe a little too revealing (okay a lot) and I still love navy-royal blue eye-shadow and way-too-much-eyeliner and mascara-- but what the hell did that have to do with my desire to attend and succeed academically at a community college to improve my life?

I wish that I could remember this admission counselor’s name because I want to thank her for putting the first and biggest piece of coal in the fire of my soul that led me to earn 5 college degrees. 

My first semester at the community college, I had no idea on how to take notes during a lecture, write a research paper or study for a test. But, every thought of that admissions counselor telling me that I was not college material, inspired me to work harder and remain focused, because I had no desire or talent to be anybody’ make-up artist. Whenever I would become frustrated and wanted to give up,  I would see the admissions counselors face in my imagination and I would look directly back into her eyes and say, “Look b ****t,”  I am kidding . Sincerely I would say to her...

"I can do whatever I want to do with my life. How dare you tell me what I can or cannot do with my life! Who do you think you are?! You don’t know me. You don’t define me.  I define me.” Whenever, I felt like giving up or not studying a little longer, I thought about this woman. I realized that it didn’t matter what she thought about me (she thought nothing of me), what mattered most to me is what I thought about myself. The only way I could disappoint her was by succeeding. I decided that the last person that I ever wanted to let down – was myself.

There will always be people in your life telling you what you are cable and not cable of doing or being. But you have the final say. You take every negative experience in your life to motivate you. Spare the world your sad sob story for failing, becoming an alcoholic or abusing drugs because of the negative people and experiences in your life. Your story will only be interesting, fun, and intriguing... only when you are able to overcome your obstacles. 

 Secret to Success Rule # 3

Have a clear picture in your mind of what you do not want, and do the opposite. I was never lucky enough to know what I wanted to do with my life. If you asked me what I wanted to be or do with my life, I couldn’t tell you exactly, but I could definitely tell you what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to work in the food industry because I don’t like to get dirty. I didn’t want to work in the medical field in any capacity because I don’t like to get dirty or be in the vicinity of a dead or dying bodies. 

I didn’t want to work in an auto plant or factory because I wanted to wear high-heel pumps and panty-hose, plus I didn’t want to break a nail. I didn’t want to teach small children, because I am too immature and I would insist on taking the red lollipop which is my favorite; and I lack the ability to give them the structure and discipline they need because I would be on the floor laughing when they misbehaved. Kids are too cute and too funny for me to be the type of teacher they need to excel academically.

Whenever, I started to lag in school, I knew that I was becoming exactly what I didn’t want to be, because the only careers that would be available to me without the proper credentials are many of the things that I absolutely did not want to do. Keep a mental picture in your mind’s eye of where you will be 3, 5, 7, 10 years down the line based on your behavior today. Maybe you don’t know what you want to do and that is perfectly okay.

But make sure that you know what you don’t want to do and use each day to move in the opposite direction. Take a variety of classes and try out various fields of employment to find out what you like and dislike. Well-meaning people are going to pressure you to pick a major. Don’t rush into paying for a degree in a field that you aren’t sure about. Knowing what you don’t like can lead and inspire you in the direction of doing what you do like. Just be patient and honest with yourself.

 Secret to Success Rule # 4

Find positive people to inspire you even if they only live in a book.  There has never been anyone in my immediate circle who wanted  to accomplish the same goals in life that I wish to achieve. I can’t pick up the phone and call anyone for business or money advice. There are no role models in my immediate or distant circle who earn they type of money or achieved the level of success that I want to emulate. Most people chastise me for wanting so much out of life. They tell me that I am a gambler waging a bet of double or nothing. They tell me of course, your dreams can come true but what are the odds 1 in 2 million. Stop being a dreamer. Grow up.

Be more practical. Find an administrative position. Marry a rich man. Teach in a government program to alleviate your student loan debt. Be happy with what you have, you are so lucky to teach at a community college; do you know how many people who would die to be in your position? None of these people are negative or player haters, they just don’t see my vision for my life. I have to find role models and positive people who understand my dream of success outside of my environment.

The first person, I met was Iyanla Vazant, when  I read her book, Value in the Valley. I thought that I would never stop crying. Iyanla helped me rediscover that little girl who loved to write. I wrote my first article and was published in several national magazines. I quit my job as a social worker with the state, wrote a program and began working for myself as an outreach therapist, as well as publishing , Triumph, my own magazine. Thank you Iyanla, I love you. 

There have been many others in between the first, but a few years later, Russell Simmons book, Do You, is the reason that I self-published 3 books within a 3 month period. I needed his huge piece of psychological coal to recharge the fire in my spirit that no longer responds to negative experiences or people.

My current level, I believe is the toughest and the easiest level depending on the individual. For me this level is very difficult because no one is telling me what I can’t do, but that I have done enough, that I should grow up, stop dreaming, live on a tight budget and pay my bills; and save money for my retirement, and and pray that my children will be able to help support me in my old age.  And oh yeah, put a side some money for my funeral.

I am still very hungry and as determined as I have ever been to live the life of my dreams. Unlike people who think that you can’t achieve your dreams, as you get older there will be more people who believe that you have done enough, but only you know when you have reached your full potential. This leads me to rule # 5.

 Secret to Success Rule # 5

Every aspect of your life should support your dream. The job that you have should give you the financial resources, skills and/or flexibility in your schedule to spend time nurturing your dream. It can not be your excuse for failure. If you are too tired and drained when you come home from work to write your novel, sew a quilt, or read a book-- your life will become stagnant. You will feel neither dead nor alive. You will become a drone in somebody else's dream. Somebody's happy and living a rich, juicy, and fulfilling life. Make sure that you are one of those people.

Secret to Success Rule # 6

Be your own hero. Who do you think inspired Harriet Tubman, Maria Montessori, Madame C. J. Walker, Oprah Winfrey, or Thomas Edison? You may be the first person to cure the common cold or build a house on Mars. 

Imagine your life as a movie. What can you do right now so that every actor is fighting for the role to play you? What can you do right now that will have every one in the movie theater cheering for you right now? What can you do today that will win the "Best Performance Oscar" for the multidimensional version of you that will inspire someone else living under the same conditions as you today? That is what the hell you do. Who cares what other people think. Imagine yourself winning against all odds.

 This leads me back to rule # 1- listen to the God inside of you, believe in yourself, and believe in your dream. 

Do one thing everyday-- no matter how small the task towards accomplishing your dream. 


In your first decade in life people will tell you that you can be and do anything. 

In your second decade of life people will began to tell you what you can't do. 

In your third decade of life people tell you that you are all that you are ever going to be.  

In your fourth decade of life people will tell you that you have done enough and that you should stop dreaming, and accept your life as it is.

What stage of life are you in? Have you lost your confidence in yourself?

Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D MA, MA.

For Handmade Doll Stories, life lessons, life hacks, Crafts, tutorials and DIYs  Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Authentik Beauty Handmade Doll Crafts https://www.youtube.com/user/AuthentikBeautyBlogs