How to Relieve Stress

Dealing with stress is a natural part of life. How to handle stress is simply knowing that everything in life that you want to achieve that has value will push you outside of your emotional and psychological comfort zone.

 Make peace with stress. Make stress your best friend with the stress relief techniques in this article. Because let me tell you something, no matter which road you choose to take in life it’s not going to be  stress free. You’re going to have good and bad days. But wouldn’t you rather have the stress of wondering which house to buy; which employee to hire or fire; which dress to wear to the ball….  Rather than, “Oh God, I hope this credit card goes through while I am standing in line?” Wouldn’t you rather have the stress of which job to select than hoping the lay-off does not include you? 

Wouldn’t you rather have the stress of where to fit in your appearance on  a talk show in your busy schedule, than wondering whether or not you will receive your annual 2% raise? No matter what you do in life there will be stress. If you are rich, you will wonder if your friends love you or your money. People will beg you to donate to their causes and pay their bills. But wouldn’t you rather have the money to decide where you will invest it, rather than hoping your checks clear at the end of the month? Think about it. Pick your stress. The number one secret to stress management is to recognize what you can and cannot control.

Do you want the stress of going to college, pulling all-nighters studying and writing papers because your dream is to be an attorney, doctor or teacher? Or would you prefer to go to a job that you detest each day wishing you had gone to college?  Would you rather work hard on starting your own business; you know, the cute little coffee shop that patronizes poets, the women’s boutique stocked with the clothes that you select from around the world or the bed and breakfast where you cook your specialty breakfast for newlyweds. 

Or would you prefer  to tell anyone who will listen about the business you wanted to start some day and all of the excuses you have collected over time explaining why you couldn’t do it.  Can you see what I am saying? Whether you choose to follow your dream or not, you are still going to be stressed out. You are still probably going to be depressed here and there and experience disappointments. So why not pick your stress in such a way that the end is more likely to turn out in your favor.

Life is not going to be perfect whether you choose to live your dream or not. People you love will still die. You may still struggle financially. Your weight will go up and down. Your country may be at war. Your business may not succeed. But these are all normal phases of life. Make a choice to feel happiness knowing that there is nothing else you would rather be doing with your life than what you are doing right now.

I can’t lose by writing books, articles, and sewing dolls and making videos. The thought of doing these things make my heart tickle with joy. I am living a life of magical serendipity  because I chose to follow my dreams while becoming financially independent. I left one of my best paying jobs decades ago because they would not grant me time off of work to study for my doctorate comprehensive exams. 

I had no health insurance, money and two children to provide for, but I told myself that if I let that job prevent me from furthering my education, I would be there forever. As I was walking out of the building, an older lady in her late (I was barely thirty at the time. Ha Ha. Fifty seems young to me now.) fifties stopped me at the door. She hugged me and said, “Baby, I am so proud of you. I had big dreams too when I started working here. But the money got good, every time I looked around there was a pay increase or bonus so I dropped out of school and stayed here. 

I see so many people come here with a plan to leave but they never do. We all go to the bar after work and talk about how much we wished we had never given up on what we really wanted. When one of us would get a little courage to leave, the other one would remind them of the money and how difficult it would be to make it. When you walk out this door, please don’t look back. It may be hard, but twenty years from now you will be so proud of yourself.”

            Are you wondering if leaving my well-paying job was difficult?  Difficult?  Difficult was an understatement. I was insane to leave a job with the best health insurance and salary for social workers. People were dying to have my job. And I was dying to leave my job. I wanted to complete my doctorate degree and develop programs. I was miserable. I would like to tell you this warm, fuzzy story of how things worked out great for me, but that would be a bald-face lie. 

The week of my doctorate comprehensive exams, my father was lying in a funeral home. My soul needed to take the doctorate exam because I had given up so much to arrive at that moment in time. I had quit my job. My father had left  the planet...and  there was nothing I could do about it. I was happy that I had the exam to focus on rather than the misery that was beckoning for my attention. I only knew how to move forward. I was afraid that if I stood and faced the reality of the devastation that had occurred in my life, I would have fallen apart. 

            Life became much more difficult for me, before it found itself back to even being okay. Yes, I regretted leaving my job. I was disgusted with myself for wanting so much from life. I wished that I could go to work and dissolve my pain in church or with a glass of wine for a sure pay check at the same time each month, than some grandiose dream of completing my doctorate, developing programs and writing books. I wished that I knew how to control the painful surges of emotions that would cause me to pull my car over to the side of the freeway and sob hysterically.

“I know there is so much more to life, God! There are people who are living their dreams. There are people who are excited to go to work today. Why can’t I be one of them!!!!!” I would scream like a two-year-old, while beating the steering wheel of my car. My temper tantrums never seemed to get God’s attention. I have learned that it was not that God wasn’t listening to me and trying to help me. It’s just that I couldn’t hear God while entangled in a mode of desperation and drama. I couldn’t feel God’s gentle guidance while feeling rage, anger and self-hatred. I needed to learn how to ground my emotions and identify what divine inspiration really felt like, so that I could recognize my soul’s purpose.

12 Stress Management Tips

 1. Use whatever resources that are available to you. Stop wishing you were someone or somewhere else. You are where you are for a reason. Cultivate and nourish your roots. You will grow stronger from your inner strength. If your life was perfect, you may not be inspired to write your book,  or start your new business. Think of  your anxiety as fuel. Channel it into something meaningful.

2. Learn what the rules are before you can learn to twist and break them to your advantage. Don’t re-invent the wheel. Learn what others have done. This will save you money and time. Benefit from their mistakes and triumphs. Sometimes we are stressed out because we think that our circumstances are supposed to be different. However if you talk to someone who is where you want to be you will be pleasantly surprised at how long  and difficult it was for them to achieve their goals.

3. Come in through the back door. The front entrance is crowded with people just like you. Think of ways to come through the back door of your dreams. The underground railroad lead many African Americans to freedom. Many people have self-published and distributed their own books. Think of new, creative ways to make your dreams come true.

4.         Don’t expect anyone to help especially in the beginning stages of a new project. Once you prove that you are committed to your ideal, others will follow suit. You need to be your own number one fan and cheering squad.

5.         Don’t talk away your dreams. Each time you talk about what you are going to do, you dilute the potency of your energy towards your goal. Don’t put your life force energy into talking about your dreams. Use your passion to fuel your actions toward your goal. Don’t talk about it, be about it-- do it. Period.

6.         If you don’t have a written business plan, you are just talking and letting off steam. If you are serious about your dream WRITE IT DOWN! If you can’t organize the idea so that you or someone else can articulate it in writing, people who may be interested cannot take you seriously. This is like going to a restaurant where there is no menu. The waiter is telling you all about the great meals that are available, but most of us would still want to see a written menu so that we could compare and contrast and make a delicious selection. So what you have a great idea, move your idea to the next level by writing down (creating a business plan, there are several books in any major bookstore) or paying someone to create a business plan for you.

7.         Don’t be quick to believe in the compliments or criticisms of other people. If you give people the power to build you up, you have also given them the power to destroy you as well. Listen to the quiet voice within yourself. Let the God in you guide your life.

8.         Don’t copy the styles of others. It is impossible to beat someone at his or her own game. No one can be a better you than you. You are the patented copy signed by the universe. When you emulate others you lose your edge, uniqueness, and special ingredient to be authentically successful and beautiful.

9.         Attach yourself to your effort and detach yourself from the outcome. Your expectations of what should happen can destroy your happiness and dissolve your self-esteem. Be proud of yourself for completing the task. Be proud of yourself for not talking about what you could have been or should have been, but what you were courageous enough to do with your life. Be proud of yourself for living life to the fullest and let the chips fall where they may.

10.       You have nothing better to do than pursue you own happiness. Don’t just let life happen to you. I understand that you have bills and responsibilities, but if you don’t do something today to change your life-- 10 years from this moment that you are reading this blog, you are still going to have a life of bills and responsibilities unless you do something different to change your life.

11.       Barriers are really self-created excuses. Don’t tell yourself why you can’t follow your dreams such as not having enough time or money. Every day look for creative ways to manifest your dreams no matter how small the steps are. Look for things that you can eliminate or increase right now that will help you accomplish your goals. You can remove excuses anytime you feel like it. You are a powerful human being.

12.       Take action. Your behavior is the truest indicator of what you really think about yourself and what you are willing to accept out of life. You know the truth. You know that if you really, really wanted to change you could. But for some reason you are comfortable where you are. Each time that you find yourself not reaching for your goal while watching television, browsing through social media, or texting on the phone, gently and lovingly ask yourself “Why, am I allowing my life to flow in this direction?”

 I wish I could tell you that there is a Jeannie-in-a-bottle that is waiting for your command to make your dream come true and remove all of the stress from your life. I wish I could tell that it is simple and easy to live the life of your dreams without anxiety. But I would be lying to you. The best way to release stress is to redefine it and make it your friend.  David Allen said, "Much of the stress that people feel doesn't come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they've started."

The only magic is your actions and efforts. You are the motor of your dream mobile. You are the breath that gives your dreams life.  Without your perseverance and action, nothing will happen. Dreams do not create themselves. You got this.

Remember… Success and Beauty is an Attitude!

By Cassandra George Sturges,  Psy. D  MA, MA.

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